I called the lab on the lab order sheet.  I was feeling good that I was able to problem solve this without involving Scott and having no coffee in my system to aide in my resourcefulness.  I asked the lab what the cross streets were for the lab they said 3^rd street and Dunlop…. Dunlop that is so far from where I am.  I started to search my brain for the location where I booked the appointment.  I had put in my work address and it said the lab was 2.3 miles from my work but it also said JCL location which is (John C. Lincoln) the hospital that is way on the North side of Phoenix and I am in Central Phoenix .  When booking the appointment I guess I didn’t take my stock in the name of the location since they said it was 2.3 miles from my work in Central Phoenix.  Well it is clicking in now that I am not going to get my labs done again today and I am hungry.  I drive up the unfamiliar streets of Central Phoenix in hopes to find a little family run café where I can eat and get my much needed coffee.  When I realize I missed the street toward my office I do a quick u-turn an nearly miss another car who zipped in the median turn lane behind me –who I obviously did not see.  She laid on the horn FOREVER…honestly I would have rather got flipped off

I guess as he doesn’t know who he is and he really doesn’t know me as well, that’s so hard to think about.  We have been together my whole adult life and our experiences that we shared have shaped me to what I am today but he only see’s today.  He doesn’t know Joan the naive college student from a small town.  He doesn’t know Joan who cried every day and night and wanted to die when she lost Taryn our first baby who was stillborn full term.  He doesn’t know Joan who was so confident in herself that she came fresh out of college and started in the emergency room as an RN.  He doesn’t know Joan who worried every moment of her pregnancy that Grant or Taylor would not make it.        

He doesn’t know Joan who was the best mom, so dedicated to her children, their school and activities.    He doesn’t know Joan who has loved and supported him with every financial and business challenge they have encountered.   He doesn’t know Joan who went back to the emergency room to work after eight years at home to provide insurance and income.  He doesn’t know Joan who dealt with so many of the kids challenges that he never knew about.  He doesn’t know Joan who went back to school after 20 years to get her master’s degree.  He doesn’t know Joan who cried and cried in disbelief and feelings of helplessness when their son dealt with addiction.  He doesn’t know Joan who celebrated every business victory right by his side.  I guess I will spend the rest of our lives teaching him who he fell in love all over again with.

Prior to Scott’s head injury, Scott and I would embark into unknown areas all the time when traveling trying to find a new unique place to eat or explore.  But this was different for Scott; this was an unfamiliar journey creating anxiety for him that I was not aware of at the time.  It was not so much of not having a plan but the “unexpected results” that concerned him in the new area.  What could concern him?  As a nurse I learned that the more we could prepare a patient by giving them information the more we could decrease their anxiety of the “unknown.”  How could I not see that same pattern or need for Scott?   I even wrote my master’s thesis on preparation of preoperative patients and how it decreases their anxiety.  Wow, I  am missing the obvious—it is just that Scott looks normal, sounds normal, acts normal but he has NOTHING NORMAL to rely on to reduce anxiety–no memory.  How can I not see this and help him?  I am going to be more aware that he needs that simple “here’s what to expect” talk when we are doing new things

THE MAN OF 46 YEARS WHOSE LIFE WAS DELETED

Scott Bolzan unfolds a compelling, inspirational and courageous journey through his life. He shares his drive to overcome obstacles with his ingrained values and learned discipline. With a “never give up” attitude Scott has persevered through the loss of his first daughter, drug addiction of his son, career defeats and challenges as an NFL player, pilot and owner/entrepreneur of a successful private aviation company and a devastating brain injury with profound memory loss. Hear how a man maintains a marriage of 25+ years while remaining fully engaged in the lives of his two children, successfully balancing career endeavors in light of adversity. With a strong emphasis on “family first”, Scott exhibits outstanding strength to move forward through extraordinary life challenges.